As part of Domestic Violence Awareness Month and our It Takes A Friend campaign, one of Between Friends’ clients has submitted the following account of their experience.
Our system makes domestic violence an endurance game. These days, my most traumatic moments don’t come from my abusive ex, they come from the communities and systems which continue to enable and empower him.
The family court system is a source of constant re-traumatization. The community of our former friends and family is as well. Because of their deep misunderstanding of the causes and cycles of abuse, I find myself continually defending my truth.
I felt the pain each time I had to remind the judge of my case and the history of abuse, each time I was silenced in court, each time I was chastised by the court for defending my boundaries. The most painful of all was the inability of the court and my community to recognize his continuing patterns of intimidation, manipulation, and control.
We think that our justice system is just – but it favors the rich, the powerful, and the abusive, and it is not yet required to be fluent in trauma. I would be completely lost if it weren’t for Between Friends.
Where our justice system has failed me and my small children, Between Friends has protected us. Where the system has re-traumatized, Between Friends has listened and provided resources and actionable solutions. Where my boundaries are misunderstood in my community, Between Friends has attested to and reaffirmed the importance of those boundaries. I have learned how to survive, how to transform fear and panic into calm and self-care. In a system where I am rarely listened to and supported, I am unconditionally healed by this organization and their power of understanding.
If I had to rely on the court system alone, myself and my children would not be thriving. Between Friends helped us survive our abuser, and then they helped us survive the justice system.
If you’d like to support the services we offer at Between Friends, take a moment to donate — visit our campaign page or text FRIENDS to 844-844-6844!