To mark the beginning of Domestic Violence Awareness Month and as part of our Light Up The City event and It Takes A Friend campaign, one of Between Friends’ clients has submitted the following account of their experience.
I’m sorry.
I wish I could take away the pain you’re experiencing right now. I wish I could wrap you in an embrace that would take away all of your suffering.
But because I can’t do that, I can tell you that there is a way to heal. There is a method to get out of this situation. There are those who are concerned. You’re not alone.
And I can assure you of that.
Because I am you.
I am telling you this because I was in a relationship that was emotionally, physically, spiritually, financially, and verbally violent. I’ve never felt more alone. It was the guilt I was hiding behind. I clung to this relationship. I was so afraid of what others might think of me.
Everywhere I went, I wore a mask to disguise the dread and secrets that lurked beneath my smile. My smile was my disguise, which I had mastered and which occasionally fooled myself. I found myself clinging to the person he used to be in order to avoid the monster he has become. I found myself generating a variety of justifications for not leaving.
I made every excuse to stay. Because of shame. It wasn’t my own shame that I was so afraid to face. It was his shame. The shame of all the things he did that I couldn’t dare let anyone know. Do you know what it’s like to be responsible for someone else’s shame? It’s like having bricks heaped one by one on each shoulder until your body finally gives up… Until you can’t take it any longer.
What do you do when life gives you bricks? You use those bricks to build a wall around you to protect you from all abuse. You build a wall so strong that you decide to choose you!
It will not be easy. It will be hard. You will cry, might even second guess yourself but you will do it. Because you are not alone.
Signed,
Almost free
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